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9 Subtle & Not-So-Subtle Ways To Remind Your Partner You Haven’t Had Sex In A While

Many of us are under the misguided notion that the right relationship should be easy, when, in real fact, all relationships require some maintenance along the way to keep everything running smoothly. When you first meet your partner it’s impossible to keep your hands off one another, but once being with them becomes a more normal situation, you’re very likely to find that things begin to drop off a little in the bedroom department. ‘I’m tired’, ‘I’m just not in the mood’; we’ve all heard it before. However, if you want your relationship to run smoothly it’s important you don’t neglect your sex life, especially as one of the top reasons that couple seek counselling is because of sexual dissatisfaction in their relationship. To keep your relationship running ship-shape here are few subtle, and not-so-subtle, ways to remind your partner that it’s time for some activity under the covers.

1. Talk about it

If you haven’t had sex in a little while, or you keep leaving long stretches of time in between the times you do have sex, then sitting down with your partner to have a talk about it is the first thing you should do. It may be that your partner expects you to initiate, hasn’t picked up on your hints recently, or is going through something that means sex is the last thing on their mind. It could even be that you both have very different sex drives, so reaching a middle ground that suits you both is important for your relationship progression.

Image of couple talking

2. Contact them

Just because you’re both in work doesn’t mean you can’t start dropping subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints in the working day. Sending a suggestive text about what you want to happen when you both get back home, or even dropping them a sneaky email is bound to get them hot under the collar.

3. Wear sexy underwear

Step one in any woman’s arsenal when it comes to dropping hints about sex is wearing sexy lingerie. Wearing a set you know your partner is fond of, or getting a whole new set just to surprise them, is guaranteed to have an effect. If you don’t feel like stripping off in front of your partner to reveal what you’re wearing underneath then you could send a suggestive picture of your underwear just visible above your clothes, or lie under the covers, ready to treat your partner when they get home.

Image of woman in underwear

4. Visual cues

To let your partner know exactly what it is you have in mind, leaving a prop in clear view is bound to get the message across. Leaving something you’ve used before when in the bedroom, or something you’d like your partner to wear on their pillow is an obvious invitation they can’t ignore.

5. Play the masseuse

Touching your partner has a range of benefits, including lowering your stress levels, heart rate and blood pressure, reducing the amount of pain you feel and strengthening the bond between the two of you. With this in mind, offering to give your partner a massage will bring you both these benefits, as well presenting the prime opportunity to let your hands wander. . .

Image of man giving subtle massage

6. Be demanding

Sometimes dropping a hint is enough to get the ball rolling, and sometimes you’re yearning for your partner to do something in particular. In this case, simply telling your partner to do what you want them to do is the best option. Don’t get us wrong, no-one likes being bossed about, but your partner is likely to enjoy being given exact instructions to follow, as they know they’re fulfilling your exact desires.

7. Flirt

Once you’ve been in a relationship for a while it’s easy to let your standards slip and forget to treat your partner as that exciting person that makes your life so much better. Flirting with your partner is one of the more subtle ways to let them know you’ve got a certain activity in mind, but it’s also a great way to let them know you still think of them in the way that you did when you first got together, and a great confidence booster for you both. Catch their eye in a crowded room and wink or bite your lip, let them know you think they look hot . . .whatever suits you best.

Image of couple flirting in subtle way

8. Story-time

Dirty talk doesn’t come naturally to everyone and, in fact, can be a little mortifying for some people, but it’s a sure way to get your message across when you’ve got a hankering for some couple time. If you’re not afraid to let your partner know exactly what it is you want then you can start talking to them face to face. However, if just the thought of this makes you start blushing then sending a text instead is a good start. Frame your desires as a narrative and leave an ellipsis at the end so your partner can text back with the next step of your next encounter . . .

9. Don’t be subtle

Image of un-subtle memo reading come to bed

If you find your partner doesn’t pick up on your hints a lot of the time, and you’re beginning to get frustrated that your subtle tactics are failing you then it’s time to not be subtle at all. Simply remove your clothes and lie naked in bed, or wherever it is in your home that you’d like to have sex, and wait for your partner to find you. If you’d prefer to not wait for bedtime to present yourself then leave a post-it-note trail of arrows to encourage your partner to come find you as soon as they step through the door.

Are there any other subtle, or not-so-subtle ways you remind your partner that it’s been a while? Let us know in the comments!

About the Author Leigh Horan

Leigh is a writer for Sparkling Strawberry with a penchant for fancy dress and a love of all things lacy.

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