It was the first day in a new office for the legal firm, Butters, Usgood and Fletcher (BUF). London’s newest and brightest office building, The Shaft, was a glistening example of innovation and architectural erection. The firm’s senior partner, Ms Veronica Butters was proud of how far the business had come, but was hoping that this new move would take BUF to the next level.
Jack Jones was a junior partner at the firm, but desperate for promotion. He believed he had the goods to deliver, he just needed to focus on the client-centric solutions to give Veronica a full helicopter view of his capability. As Jack entered the lift on that fine summer’s day, he knew that if there was a chance for leverage, he would take it.
Veronica was clearly aware of talent relationship management, and recognised Jack’s worth in social currency – he was from Milton Keynes after all. She had a meeting planned with him that morning to close the loop on his fulfilment issues, and strategise his core competencies for the benefit of the firm. She poured herself a cup of hot coffee, stepped into the board room, and waited.
Jack knew, to be in the BUF, he had to be in the zone. Arriving 5 minutes late for the meeting, he was already flustered but didn’t want to let it show. Clutching his latest brief, he took a deep breath, and entered. “Veronica, this is what makes me valuable”, he proclaimed, flinging the brief across the table to where she sat expectantly. Like a stone in a curling competition, the brief glided across the newly polished board table faster than you could say Knowledge Process Outsourcing and sent Veronica’s coffee flying. The hot brown liquid rained down on Veronica’s perfectly tailored suit.
“Jack, you bloody idiot”, Veronica exclaimed, “I have a meeting with our biggest client later, and quite frankly, this suit needs to come off”. She was already unbuttoning her silk blouse, she knew she had minutes to dab the coffee stains away or the thousand-pound shirt would be ruined forever. “Just bloody-well get over here and help me”, Veronica shouted at Jack in exasperation. It was far from the come-to-Jesus moment he had anticipated.
The fine silk blouse glided off Veronica’s toned skin revealing her lace bodice underneath, she really was the best of breed. Jack felt his bandwidth growing as she revealed her ballpark figure, this was definitely the next generation of management visibility. His capability building, Jack helped Veronica undress, subtly caressing her core competencies. With seamless integration, they were both aware that something was about to tee off.
Veronica purred, “We are who we are Jack, I may be your boss, but this is part of our DNA”. Jack, ever buzzword compliant, knew there was something on the event horizon, it was time for a quick win. He peeled back the onion and undressed. Skin touching, gently caressing, he knew this was his area of best practice, it was time for some serious business-to-business.
Jack, lifting Veronica onto the polished board table unleashed his profit centre, “no need for talking Veronica, it’s time to take it offline, and I’m after some serious reverse fulfilment.” She spread her share options to reveal her analytics, “maybe not Jack, but I do think we need to touch base”. Jack seized the opportunity and deep dived his low hanging fruit into her short runway, immediately finding her touchpoint. Within a few minutes, their mindshare synergy reached mission critical and exploded as the couple truly made it pop into a full idea shower.
Veronica lay with a sense of paralysis by analysis, hoping that this hyperlocal co-opetition was to prove sustainable, she found it most value adding. Jack rightshored his long tail, pleased with the employer branding session he had just encountered. Dressing, he whispered to her, “well Veronica it’s time to circle back, let’s not let the grass grow too long on this one”.
In that moment, Veronica knew that her return on investment could never be fulfilled. How could such storytelling be part of their employer branding? Quickly dressing, she stood proudly next to the scene of their new economy, “it’s all water under the bridge Jack” she pronounced, “let’s not eyeball this idea and give it visibility”. Jack clearly reached his pain point and was taken aback, “what’s the matter Veronica, was there not enough bandwidth? Why don’t you get down off your cloud computing for a minute and look under the bonnet?”
Veronica had only one thing to say, “your fired.”
What was your buzzword bingo score on this and did we miss any juicy ones? Let us know in the comments!
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