Hepsibah was a very public-spirited person. She liked to do the right thing. So when her local hospital announced a blood donation session, she decided immediately she would get involved. Besides, the banner inviting people to attend carried a logo of linked hearts, and she hadn’t anything better to do on Valentine’s Day – even though she was wearing her favourite Valentine’s Day lingerie.
It turned out that others felt the same, as she was unable to get an appointment – the lady on the phone said she could come along towards the end of the day and just wait…they would fit her in if they could.
So that is what she did. It was early evening when she arrived, and was given a lengthy form to complete. As she sat, her shapely legs crossed and her suspended foot twirling thoughtfully in the air, she snuck a glance at her fellow donors. They were a very mixed group, in every way. Only one was near to her age and he was leaning back in his chair, long legs outstretched, the evening sun falling on his manly features – without leaving so much as a bruise.
Hepsibah had tried to follow the instructions to make the process easier by wearing clothing with loose sleeves…indeed she had gone one further and was wearing a loose top with no sleeves at all. Eventually she completed the form and handed it in to reception. Harvey, of whose long legs and unbruised manliness we have already heard, watched her walk across to the desk. What a shame, he thought, that the walk was not any longer as he enjoyed the sight of her sashaying rumpuliciousness moving across the floor.
Time passed, and donors with appointments gradually left the waiting area. No-one else came in. Eventually Harvey leaned towards Hepsibah and introduced himself.
“It’s a bit of wait, isn’t it? Still, it’s a good thing they are so busy” *
*At this point it should be made clear that this was not his actual means of introduction, as this process involves the use of greetings and names. That part was edited out for editorial reasons.
Hepsibah smiled and nodded. “I don’t mind. They told me I’d have to wait, so I came prepared.”
Harvey glanced up at the logo of interlocking organs, and a thought sprung to prominence.
“It’s not going to make you late for…anything important, is it?” he asked, probingly. Hepsibah shook her head, her glorious hair tossing this way and that, and smiled coyly. She enjoyed probing. Harvey glanced up at the posters on the wall behind them, all bearing the heart logo.
“This is quite the place to be tonight…romantic!” he laughed, and she smiled back.
Silence fell. Luckily for the ward, it fell very quietly.
“So…is this your first time?” he asked. She nodded; the delays had made her a little anxious
After a little while a nurse came towards them and called Harvey’s name. He got up and walked with her, saying over his shoulder to Hepsibah “Catch you later”
The nurse took him behind one of many sets of screens which were set up around the edge of the room. There was a short interval of little happening and then he reappeared. He walked directly back to where Hepsibah was sitting and held his hand up to show her a tiny Elastoplast on one finger “nothing to worry about”
Hepsibah looked confused.
“It’s just a little prick” said Harvey, smiling the sort of smile which starts in traditional fashion around the mouthular zone and then spreads across the whole face, ending with a mischievous twinkle in the eyes. Occasionally this goes wrong, and the mischievous twinkle ends up somewhere else where it is less effective, but this time all was as it should be and Hepsibah approved the result. Indeed, she responded with a dazzling one of her own, and Harvey savoured its luscious lushness. It seemed to light up her face, and all the landscape to the south of it as well, reaching the high peaks of volumptiness which were so slightly concealed by the fine, loose top.
“Oh dear….” Said Hepsibah. “I expect there’ll be a bigger one later”
“Could be!” replied Harvey, doing the smiling thing again.
“I meant for getting the blood out” she explained, with a gesture towards primness. (One can gesture towards this all one likes – sometimes it is just not convincing.)
Moments later Hepsibah was called herself to disappear behind the screens. She found she didn’t mind the little prick but the tight squeeze of her digit afterwards was distinctly uncomfortable.
She was pronounced not anaemic and sent on to the next stage. Emerging from the screens she saw that Harvey was now reclining in a huge swinging plastic chair, awaiting perforation. This would soon be her destiny too, and sure enough she could get into one alongside his.
They exchanged glances as they awaited the actual donation process. The staff numbers were dwindling now as the session was coming to an end.
“They usually start taking everything down by now” Harvey explained “But they’ve got a session here tomorrow too, so it’s all staying up.”
Hepsibah nodded approvingly. She liked the idea of everything staying up. After the bad experience with the little prick it was a piece of good news.
A nurse appeared in the distance, coming towards them. Harvey whispered “This is it now. You’re about to get a much bigger one”
Hepsibah, whose anxiety had climbed whilst she waited, felt explicably relieved to hear this. Harvey continued “They’ll just want you to lie back and relax now” as the nurse tipped the seat abruptly into a reclining position.
“I’m not used to doing that” Hepsibah protested to him, and he did the whole smile thing once more.
The nurse swabbed Hepsibah’s arm and then said “Look away now if you like…You’ll just feel a little prick”
Hepsibah didn’t look away – she was a girl who liked to make her own judgements.
The nurse set up the needles and tubes for both of them, and Hepsibah noticed her complimenting Harvey particularly on his powerful, throbbing pulse. “What a big vein!” she said, clearly impressed.
They both lay back for a while, thinking of England and their civic duties, and giving regular squeezes to make sure everything flowed well, and exchanging whispered conversation.
“A good firm, regular squeezing makes it all go better” he assured her, glancing sideways at her and noticing the evening light on her curvulocity.
“It certainly seems to help” she agreed, adding “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”
“I’ve been doing this for years” he said “You soon learn to do the regular squeezing thing”
She watched his strong, manly arm, ending as it did in an appropriately manly fist, pumping regularly in a rhythm which was mesmerising to watch. She found herself drawn to the rhythm, and her own squeezes synchronised with his. Their eyes locked, their fists pulsing in a rhythm which was both primitive and urgent. Harvey’s huge vein was throbbing.
The nurse came past and glanced at the collection bags approvingly.
“Ooh you two are getting along very well” she congratulated them, adding to Hepsibah “It won’t be long before you’re done”
Harvey smiled his agreement, adding to Hepsibah “It’s fine if you finish first – just wait for me, will you?” She nodded, a little breathlessly. Was that the blood flowing out of her, or the blood flowing to different parts of her? Who could tell?
Eventually the nurse returned and declared they were both ready. She unclipped all the equipment and directed them both to the refreshments area. Here she poured them drinks, offered biscuits and then disappeared behind a screen to finish her paperwork.
“Well this is nice!” exclaimed Hepsibah, sipping her tea and nibbling on a biscuit. Crumbs erupted and tumbled down the front of her top, slipping – wisely – down inside it wherever they could. Harvey thought them very sensible.
“You have to drink plenty of fluids now, as the nurse said, and it’s a good idea to do things to keep your blood pressure up as well”
“Really?” exclaimed Hepsibah “What sort of things?”
Harvey took her behind one of the farther screens to show her. There was a fold-up bed there for anyone who needed to lie down, – which was fortunate because both Hepsibah and Harvey needed to. They accelerated into horizontality beneath a poster bearing the entwined hearts logo…. how appropriate, especially for Valentine’s Day, if only they had noticed!
First, there were crumbs to retrieve, and the incredible looseness of Hepsibah’s clothing to be admired. Then there were Harvey’s manly arms and face to be taken into consideration.
“How’s your blood pressure?” he asked her, whilst making a second pass at crumb retrieval which was extremely thorough.
Hepsibah thought it seemed fine or, if anything, on the high side. It must be all that synchronised pumping. Eventually, via the medium of the intertwined organs, Harvey made a second donation, and Hepsibah had no need to complain about another little prick.
Eva Feltham is our Fun & Fantasy Investigative Journalist. With a PhD in Double Entendre and a Mistress of the Institute of Innuendo, Eva specialises in seeking out mischievous situations.
This Is What Your Handwriting Reveals About Your Love Life
Love, Life and Lingerie – New Year Resolutions for 2019
How To Choose The Best Lingerie For Valentine’s Day
How to Flirt: Flirting Tips for Fantastic Results
10 Things To Do On Valentine’s Day
A Singles Guide to Surviving Valentines Day
Exciting First Date? No Pressure! You have 4.2 seconds to impress.
10 of the Strangest Valentine’s Day Traditions – Amazing!