Constanza had had a good Christmas, all told. There had been quite a lot of parties, late nights and indulgences. The usual. However, as the new year had approached she detected in herself a certain, slightly restless sense of unfulfillment. She was determined that her life should take a new direction with the new year, and had formulated her New Year Resolution to help her achieve this. Accordingly, she presented herself at the doors of the local library at 10.00am on 2nd January; her heart singing at the prospect of the forthcoming year being her literary watershed.
The doors themselves did not fully subscribe to their expected role, and creaked very loudly on being opened. They were also disobligingly heavy and Constanza was forced to throw her shoulder at them to gain entrance. But gain it she did: the resistance of the hinges suddenly abated and she was launched forward onto the bristly mat in a sprawling heap. Kurt looked up from behind the desk edged with shelves of Useful Stuff and as Constanza took a few moments to recover from her human cannonball experience, he had to stand up to look over the shelves and see her predicament.
Her unzipped handbag had discharged its contents across the mat, and she was currently on hands and knees retrieving it all. Kurt was a helpful fellow, and, being not too busy with pressing stacks of books to stamp, bounded to his feet to help. His motivation was, of course, entirely selfless and unconnected with the fact that Constanza was wearing a bright V-necked cardigan of such depth of frontageness that it was probably intended to be worn over a blouse. He scarcely noticed the snugness of the trousery clothing which enveloped her lower half.
As he approached, she was just reaching for the last item – a red lipstick. Kurt picked it up. The lid had fallen off, revealing the scarlet gleam of phalloid sheen within. Constanza by contrast had a few moments to take in the well-buffed leather of Kurt’s brogues, and as she raised her gaze, the well-buffedness of Kurt generally.
He reached out a hand to her, and helped her to her feet. And to her heels, which were high enough to raise both Constanza and her heaving chest into his environs. She teetered momentarily, jostling the contents of her small cardigan in a riveting fashion.
“I can’t see your top” said Kurt, somewhat breathlessly. Constanza looked surprised. That was not normally a problem. She smoothed down her clothes.
“For your lipstick” he continued, proffering the item in question. Constanza took the lipstick carefully from him, her fingers briefly touching his. Her other hand went to her lips, anxiously.
“Am I all smudged?” she asked. Kurt shook his head, and then realised that his hand was still in the air where he they had performed their lipstick exchange. He let it fall self-consciously to his side. The hand was disappointed, having, however briefly, been close enough to Constanza to stir some dreams of its own.
“Can I help you?” asked Kurt, adding unnecessarily “I work here”
“Well now….” Constanza replied, looking around properly for the first time. “I’ll need to get my bearings”
“Is this your first time?” Asked Kurt
She nodded thoughtfully. “I made a new year resolution to make use of my local library” she explained proudly.
“Good for you!” Kurt exclaimed. “I wish more people would do that. Shall I show you around?”
He showed her the desks of computers for searching out particular books, or genres, or authors. He asked Constanza what she liked to read. She was hesitant.
“My interests are a bit…. specialised” she confessed, generating a surge of customer service in Kurt as to be revealed somewhat to anyone in the vicinity.
She continued “I’m working on a treatise on the Mediaeval Monastic Economy as part of my Open University Masters degree”. Kurt’s face fell. Luckily, he had quick reactions and was able to catch and replace it before anyone noticed.
A little disheartened, he began to take her of the history section, and the free computer access to various University library sources which her student card would entitle her. He waxed lyrical about the download time, and the very cheap rates for printing, whilst continuing to be mesmerised by the blouse-less cardigan and its ample contents.
Eventually she laughed lightly, and, taking a small mirror from her bag, proceeded to re-apply the scarlet lipstick. Kurt watched intently, having never been quite so close to a set of elaborately pouting lips before. He held his breath until it was over; all the time willing any interested parties lower down to control themselves.
“Now, my top…” she said, and Kurt felt confident that he could assure her he had not neglected it: In fact, he had been giving it serious consideration for several minutes.
She looked all around her. The floor was a wide expanse of polished wood. It was not long before the missing item was detected just under a desk. In a moment Constanza retrieved it, furnishing Kurt with an insight into her flexibility, even whilst snugly clad. Kurt felt very well furnished.
They walked towards the history section, and Kurt explained further, possibly over-compensating for the library’s singularly poor array of books on Mediaeval Monastic Economy by promoting its books on 12th Century art and the life of peasants under the feudal system a little too enthusiastically.
After a few moments Constanza said
“I think you have misunderstood me. I’ve been working on this essay for ages. I have access to all the sources I need. What I need is something to divert me. That’s my New year Resolution you see. All work and no play makes Constanza a dull woman, as they say”
Kurt shook his head with embarrassing urgency at this suggestion.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.” He averred, adding “Constanza is a lovely name”
“Yours?” she asked
“Kurt” he said
There was a pause
“I’m sorry” she said. “What I meant to say was, could you tell me your name please?”
“Kurt” he said again. After another pause, she laughed out loud, and then clapped a hand over her red lips to shush herself.
“So, Kurt, take me to the fun section”
And Kurt did. He showed her all manner of interesting diversions – from the everyday (but still enjoyable) to the downright specialised. He found Constanza well-read but an enthusiastic learner, keen to tackle any of his suggestions and also to offer plenty of her own. Her appetite for adventure between the sheets was extensive and no sooner had they closed the covers on one topic than she was all for opening another.
Luckily, it being just 2nd January there was scarcely anyone around, and they were able to undertake their literary pilgrimage through the entertainment section undisturbed. Never had Kurt’s big stamp come in so handy.
Eva Feltham is our Fun & Fantasy Investigative Journalist. With a PhD in Double Entendre and a Mistress of the Institute of Innuendo, Eva specialises in seeking out mischievous situations.
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