With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and Henry Livingston Jr. – whoever wrote The Night Before Christmas poem, I just couldn’t help myself. Have a read – and a giggle.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Two people were stirring, and off came a blouse.
The stockings were thrown by the chimney with care,
As Mr and Mrs Claus lay by the fire all bare.
The children were sleeping all snug in their beds,
Unaware of Mrs Claus wrapped round Mr Claus’ legs.
As the two wrestled fondly, a mood of desire
The silhouette of two bodies backlit by the fire.
Like jingle bells ringing, so lively and quick,
Mr Claus stood proudly and took out his candy cane*
More rapid than reindeer, his courses they came,
He whistled, and shouted, then called out her name!
Now lady, now lover, now women of desire
Mrs Claus lay wanton and nude by the fire.
Her body consumed and openly sprawled,
To come again, come again, come again all.
His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
Her breasts were like roses, her nipples like cherries!
They lay in his fur coat, wrapped head to foot,
Their bodies all tarnished with ashes and soot.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
She re-did her stockings and turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He gave a quick wink, and up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, with a post-coital whistle,
And then off he flew like the down of a thistle.
Mrs Claus heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas my darling, that’s what I call a good night!”
* sorry, I couldn’t think of anything to rhyme.
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